New Edit: Chapter 31: Sugar and Spice
Chapter 31: Sugar and Spice Sif and I had hatched our plan and I was supposed to meet her on Monday right after school. Dreadful for what I expected at home, I waited for Hogun to pick me up, but he seemed pleased with himself as he showed up and climbed into his floater. "Your father has allowed for you to stay with me again for a while. You don't need to go to the burg." I sighed relieved and told him about father's strange behavior and then about the visit. He threw his hands in the air in a resigning gesture. "The Arnskes are about as traditional as they come. I think they don't lift an arm before checking if it is traditional." He then grinned and looked at me. "But they are loaded and from what I hear that Sif girl is one good looking girl." "I didn't see too much of her. She wears a veil all the time." He leaned closer, winked with his right eye and said. "The face doesn't matter so much. It's what's below her chin and above her hips that counts. Well I do like hips of course as well. If you know what I mean." Then he became serious."Your father is feeling the pinch, you know. He now sends Greifen to the Exchange to do his business and since he has no longer access to any bank accounts. He uses Harkun. Of course neither Harkun nor Greifen have the same Credit rating and every spare part and everything else he needs has to be paid straight away instead in invoice. He depleted the Nubhir farms to raise cash but a farm will only give so much and then it needs to grow and that takes time. It won't be a cozy Longnight this time." We reached Bifrost and he was about to land. "I guess it is upon me now to teach you about how Fangsnappers and Human Babies come to be." "No worries Uncle Hogun, we had that in School." "I am glad. This was one subject I rather not talk to you about, so how about some Blue Finner Steaks?" I was supposed to meet Sif two days later at the Space Port and I was nervous. I never actually had gone to the Space Port that was only a few clicks outside of Freikstat. Sif was right, she had told me that the actual space port would be empty and it was nearly completely deserted when I arrived. It would only change when the Post ship came or the monthly space bus arrived. There was a McDonald's and an attached small shopping mall. The space port was different from any place I had been before. I almost felt as if I had left Nilfeheim already. It was well lit, had shiny gleaming floors. Floating Advertising signs for businesses and Hotels in town. I did not even know we had a Hotel. To my surprise I found a sign advertising Hogun's Inn and it declared Miner friendly prices and hefty food portions. No wonder there were miners coming almost every weekend. Then I saw my first real robot outside of Virtu, a humanoid shaped machine pushing a floor cleaning machine across the already spotless floor. As deserted the Space port was, the Shopping mall was not. While I saw no men, there were many women and girls and all seemed to be Off-Worlders as none of them wore traditional dresses. I passed the Entrance to the mall and kept on going into the main arrival and departure area and stopped at a row of big viewports that reached from the high ceiling to the floor. From here I had a good view of the landing field It was a wide smooth Duro-crete area and it glistened wet from the recent down pour we had. A huge gray shape stood at the far end on landing struts, it stood next to the freight transfer center. Out there were more robots and they loaded that ship with containers. Sif found me there and also looked outside. "That is a freighter, they loading it with fish, Fanger Furs and ice." "It's a Meteor Type VI Freighter." I said. "800 meters by 400 meters. Accelerates to 120 kilometers per second to the square. Manufactured by DeNoir Ships." She laughed brightly. "I never figured you to be a tech geek. You sure know space ships it seems." "I signed up for the Pre Entry program for the Navy Academy and they gave me a few books and Virtus on space ships. One day I want to command a ship and fly all across the Galaxy." I turned and was very surprised. She wore a black mini skirt, a clingy blouse that showed her perky little breasts quite clearly and over it a short fur jacket. Her hair was combed straight back into a single tail on her back. I only recognized her because of her eyes. She giggled even more as I was standing there staring at her. "Do you like what you see?" "Very much so! How come you are dressed that way? Will you not get in trouble?" She still smiled. "I doubt my father would even recognize me this way. After all proper girls wear veils once they turn 15 and only drop it when they get married." She made a gesture that incorporated the space port. "This is where most of the girls after school hang out, drink coffee, and go shopping. Wear the latest fashions of the Galaxy and gossip. Not all women and girls are as tradition minded as the men believe we are. It is an open secret right under their noses. Most men know about it, of course none of the old traditionalists. When they do come here, they think we are Off-worlders." To say I was totally floored by that was an understatement. "I never knew. I too thought they were Off-Worlders." "You reacted just like any other proper Neo Viking responds. They ignore Spacers and Off-Worlders and feel so much superior to them." "I seen Pluribus during a Virtu excursion and I seen the battle ship. It is them who are superior." She nodded. "I have been on a tour to Pluribus as well and I think no one could possibly ignore seeing that battleship. But let's go to the Space Bus lobby. It is completely deserted and no one will be there and we can get you in a dress. Having a male Viking, a Celebrity Hero of an Old Clan would not be good." The Space bus lobby had automatic doors and she swiped a little card over it and they parted. "The lobby of course is only for passengers." She pointed at the card. "This is an old ticket but the door doesn't know that as I have disabled the date section." "You sure know your way around here." She was still smiling. "I come here whenever I can, and so do others who are not as tradition minded. Especially those who are less favored by the old traditions, namely women and girls, you are not even the only guy who comes here dressed like us. There are quite a few who secretly date that way. This is where I got the idea for it in the first place." The lobby consisted of rows of conformatic chairs, a few Serv matics and a robot attended ticket counter. The robot greeted us."Welcome to Gray Lines Space Bus Services. Can I be of assistance?" Sif shook her head."No robot. We are waiting for inbound passengers." "Very well, Ma'am. The next space bus scheduled to arrive from Holstein Planet is due in 74 hours and 12 minutes." With that the robot lost interest and powered down again. Next to the passenger bath rooms stood two big shopping bags and she took them. "I prepared a few things for you." Then she opened the door to the Washrooms and said."Human Females." A voice responded. "Human Females acknowledged. Bathroom facilities adjusted to selected species." The bathroom changed from white tiles to pink, more mirrors appeared and several bathroom stalls rose from the floor. She motioned me to follow her and inside, locked the door and handed me the bags. "Here is a dress and the other little things we use. As soon as you are in the dress call me and I help you with the rest. The fleshy things are artificial boobies to define your chest area the proper way." I blushed she giggled some more and went outside before the stall. While I tried to get into the dress and the frilly things women wore underneath, she was talking to me and I learned that she was well educated, at least as intelligent as Yngve and that she had a mind of her own. "I never knew girls would think that much!" I said while stepping into the skirt. I heard her make a strange sound and she actually opened the stalls door. Her eyes sparkled and it looked as if she was angry but the expression vanished and she said. "It is not your fault; you are a product of our society. Do you think your mother was thinking less than your brute of a father?" I stopped and almost dropped the skirt. "I never thought about mother that way at all. I never had a chance to really talk to her." She motioned me to turn around and she fastened the thing that held the artificial breasts. "You never talked to girls, had no sisters and no mother." No wonder you think of females as if we were of a different species." "I did talk to Midril but she never talks about anything that isn't really related to the kitchen and such." "This is called a bra by the way. If you get comfortable enough in your secret identity. I show you what girls off planet wear instead of these ancient uncomfortable holders." "There are so much more items to a woman's wardrobe than a man's. It's quite confusing." "Ah you get used to it. One day you might use the knowledge gained today to undress your bride. Much of these garments and pieces are meant to actually keep women in their place. You can't go hunt or dive in these dresses and of course it would hinder you to fight." I wished I could tell her about Siegfrieda but I had to keep my word. The dress she had chosen for me was of a deep maroon color with nice bronze colored metallic shimmering seams and borders. It had wide flaring sleeves. The white soft belly fur of Nubhirs was used to seam the sleeves and the collar of the overcoat. I found the tight white stockings quite exciting and loved the silky softness. She pressed a thing that looked almost like a Derma Patcher on my face. It was black and had the letters CC in gold on it. The thing even felt similar to a Derma Patcher but whatever it did took only a few moments. She observed the result with a critical expression on her face, nodded and placed a wig of dark brown shimmering hair on my head. I noticed her nose and found it quite exciting and when she concentrated she got a little on the ridge of that tiny nose of hers. I wondered why I would find such a thing exciting. Sif nodded and said. "You look much better than I even thought you would. No one will ever recognize you like that!" She left the stall and gestured to the mirrors. "Judge for yourself. The Chanel Box did wonders to your eyes!" I could not believe that the tall girl in that pretty and quite regal dress was indeed me. That device had put make up on my face, shaped my eyebrows, my lips felt and looked thicker and bigger and shimmered in a color matching the maroon of the dress. The few tiny whiskers I had on my checks and lips were gone and so were the three acne spots I had this morning. Long rich colored hair surrounded my shoulders. She handed me maroon colored gloves and placed a thin brass circlet with a maroon colored veil. It was thin and flared and moved with every breath. The shoes were a bit tight and she simply used my sword to split them at the heels. "It will do for now. We are going to get you a pair that fits at the mall." She then stretched her arm holding my sword. "I teach you to be a girl. Will you teach me how to use this?" "Yes I will." It was of course prohibited for a girl to learn and use a sword. Siegfrieda told me that the women of the Vikings of old were trained and knew to use the weapons well, but the Elders of this world decided, that it was better to exclude women from that so they would accept their subservient role better. Some clans allowed their women to train with the knife and a few allowed the use of a Spear because the Elders could not really argue against the image of Valkyries but women were not even allowed to touch a sword, and a woman caught doing it was to be sentenced to death. She balanced it before here and said. "We always say it is just an extension of the phallus and they use it to intimidate but actually holding one, you can feel its power. This is the famous Mördaren is it not?" "Yes." "It was made on Earth so I heard by a famous sword maker and it supposed to have mystical powers. Did you notice any?" "No I have not noticed anything. Other than that it is really, really sharp!" "You killed the Steiner boy with it?" "I wish I had not done that! It was not his sword but the one from the Olafson Clan." She placed the sword back in its scabbard and helped me gather the things and we deposited it all in a rental locker in the Space bus terminal. She then said. "You do look very nice, but you walk like a Fangsnapper herder in Longnight furs. Put your feet in front of you as if you walk an invisible tight rope!" She taught me the entire afternoon how to walk and sit down. The only witness to our efforts was the Robot in sleep mode. We met at the airport as much as we could and she became my new best friend. She was different than Yngve. To my surprise, she was not afraid of much. She was neither hysterical nor stupid, like Hogun and all the other men claimed a woman would be. The women's bathroom of the Grey Lines space bus terminal became our secret lair and she learned quickly. She was not as enduring and strong but what she lacked there she more than compensated with speed and agility. She could flex and bend her body in ways that made me hurt just looking. Equally she was my teacher and I learned to cross my legs, bat my eyes, walk the way she wanted me to and use my arms and gestures differently. "You pass well, no guy on all Nilfeheim would take you for anything else than a pretty girl, but women are much more observant, especially when it comes to potential rivals. Women don't look at other women like you men do. A false move and the wrong gesture can give you faster away than a bad fitting wig or sloppy make up." It was past Yuletide and the New Year was well on its way. After school, after fight and heritage class I would train with Richard or help in the Inn, but Uncle Hogun would let me go downtown whenever there was not much to do or when Richard wasn't there. He never asked me what I did downtown and I was glad. I knew I would have told him as I did not want to lie, especially not to him. As I went to the space bus lobby, I had my own ticket card to let myself in and I knew Sif would be there as she had send me a short message to my PDD. I checked with the robot to make sure no space bus was scheduled, opened the rental locker and retrieved my alter ego’s things and went to the bathrooms to become Freya, as I called myself. I could hardly wait each time to shed my boring, troubled self and step into my alter ego. Everything girls had seemed scented and soft. There was scented lip color not only in a thousand different shades but equally as many flavors. There were perfumes and body washes and hair products and crèmes that turned the skin instantly as soft as silk. It all mixed into an invisible aura, along with whispering fabrics, shiny satins and lace into an invisible aura that seemed to lift my very being. As Freya I forgot about Father and I could close my eyes and would not see the face of the Steiner kid. Freya could laugh and smile and giggle about the silliest things and there was no guilt doing it. There were so few occasions that caused me to laugh as a child. I could remember each time. Back when Greifen gave me a Nubhir Wolf puppy when I was six, it lasted only a few days. Father found out about it and killed the helpless creature in the cruelest fashion by squeezing the yelping and screaming creature between his fists, throwing it in my face and told me that I would never enjoy anything as long as I lived. He had taken away all toys I had and given them to Lothar and forbade me to have any and promised servants and clan members alike severe punishment for giving me things. But now I could laugh and even cry and did not feel ashamed about it. As I opened the doors to the bath rooms, Sif already waited for me and we hugged each other. As always she felt so lovely and I realized how much I actually cared for her. "I think you need to graduate today and we go to the Mall together. My friends want to meet Freya." I didn't feel all too good about to meet three other girls who I was sure could look through my disguise at any moment. "Against the beliefs of men, women can keep secrets and these are my best friends. You can trust them too. They won't say anything and the best disguise you can have is four girls accepting you." It was as if I walked naked with a big blinking sign on my head into the shopping mall attached to the space port. The outfit she had selected for me was not a floor long dress with over coat and several underskirts. This dress barely reached my knees. Over it a leather jacket that only looked good on girls, the kind where sleeves were much longer than the rest. I liked the boots and the heels, but wished they would not make such a racket walking over the polished floor. Sif's skirt was even shorter but she didn't seem to mind at all and I did not either. She laughed and said, "Deep down all girls are exhibitionists. We like to show what we got, it is part of the entire attraction of the opposite sex part that is part of us since man crawled out of caves back on Earth. Here on Nilfeheim it is somewhat suppressed but not completely and out there on the big worlds, anything goes. She patted her own butt. "I think I have a nice ass and those darn formal dresses we got hide everything. This tube skirt on the other hand rises more than eyebrows if you know what I mean!" "No actually I don't, but I think you are right. Your behind is very nice!" Her eyes glittered with mischief. "My Aunt Liz taught me a lot, she lives off planet like your grandfather did and she doesn't mince words or talk around the issue when I am alone with her via GalNet. She says you need to celebrate your body, be aware of it." She interrupted her lesson on her philosophies as we reached a place with little round and square tables and filigree looking chairs, before a business with the name: Java Paradise. A new scent I had never smelled before wafted out the open door. Three girls sat at one of the square tables. The whole area was separated from the main concourse by a hip-high wrought iron barrier. Sif approached that table and made an inviting gesture. "I want you to meet my best friends. The tall blonde is Astrid, the one with the red mane is Elnna and the brunette listens to the name Hedda." Then she turned to them. "Girls as promised my new best friend Freya." They all had smiles on their faces, except the girl with the bright red hair, separated in the middle into two voluminous pigtails. She wore a black shining veil up to her nose. That obscured her lower face. She had her eyes made up with thick black mascara and she looked wild and exotic. They all however greeted me friendlily and Sif told me to sit down. "I am ordering us all some coffee." The girl Hedda said, "I know what the others have but what would you like, Freya?" I kept my voice as low volume as possible and said. "I never had any coffee. I have what you have I guess." The masked girl surprised me as she actually put her black gloved hand on mine. "Don't be embarrassed, we all know, but I am surprised how well you pass. I would have never guessed. So relax enjoy this little off world oasis on this hellhole of a planet like we do." Hedda nodded. "It was all new for us and I never heard of coffee before I came here. Proper Nilfeheim women drink Seaweed Berry tea or perhaps a glass of Kelp wine. Not this decadent off world stuff." Astrid pointed to the store. "Yet almost every one of the proper women come here to buy coffee and the delicious Sweetmeats they sell here." Hedda's fingers flew over the table top menu. "I ordered you a Terra Kenya blend latte. That's Coffee with milk and my favorite." The atmosphere made me relax and I learned that girls giggled every minute and knew much more raunchy things and stories than even Sigvard who always had dirty jokes and comments. They could at an instant almost hysterically scream about something trivial and discuss hair for hours. I had never thought one could actually make a conversation about hair for more than two minutes. Yet I enjoyed it greatly. Only Elnna was a little less animated and Sif explained her black outfit and the wild hair to be part of the Ultra Retro Emo Revival fashion scene. It took Elnna almost an hour to explain to me what an Ultra Retro Emo is and I still had no idea what she was talking about, but it had to do with death, dark or negative emotions, depressions and something she called expression of Angst. Not even she knew what that was exactly. However she explained that this movement expressed itself with masks, wigs and retro look fashion. Most surprising was the fact that they all came from different social levels and Astrid was the daughter of a Low Man, but since girls and women for the most part had absolutely no say in anything they tended to care less about social forms. Of course, some of the daughters and women of High Clans often felt they were something better. And when they came here to the mall and shed their traditional dresses, all social differences were ignored. It was, as Sif put it, an unwritten rule of the Mall. No girl or woman hanging out would use her last name or clan association. Once in a while a Neo Viking would find his way into the mall, to buy something they could not get in the more traditional outlets at the Exchange or in town. Since they were here to get something they ignored each other and what they believed to be off world girls. I found a new favorite drink. Coffee was unlike anything I had tasted before and it was my new favorite taste. They simply took me in their middle and I never knew how fun it was to go shopping browsing or to go to a real Entertainment Virtu. This time was like a dream. I did not have to go to the burg, except on those occasions I was officially invited to the Arnske Clan or when Sif visited our Burg for the first time. She came accompanied by her father and Isegrim put on an almost sickening show of false affection. Even Gretel found words of praise and as Father told Litfas Arnske about his troubles with the Union bank, without of course mentioning the real reason, Sif's father immediately insisted that father took a sizable advance on the dowry along with a new Hunting Sub. He actually put his hand on my shoulders as the Arnske flier disappeared into the clouds. "This develops nicely and you did well today. You kept your mouth shut and only opened it appropriately." If Hel's slimiest demon of the lowest pit had put its claws on my shoulder, it would not have been as disgusting as I felt as he touched me. Sif of course knew the truth but she said her father would never listen to her anyway. She was his daughter, but nothing more and since she did have an older brother, it was he who got all the attention. She liked her brother and she was certain he liked his sister, but he was now so more important as he was about to take the ancient challenge. Hedda, so I learned was the daughter of a free man without clan association, who was the manager of Silver Falcon Mining. The company my grandfather founded and Mr. Silverzweig sold to an Off-World Corporation. Her mother worked at the local branch of the Union bank. And they considered themselves the "New Nilfeheim". Her parents had nothing against Hedda going to the mall and or bringing home friends. Since she lived in Outskirts, actually not far from Hogun's Inn, we often went there for the afternoon and I could change there. I would use the Longnight tunnel that connected the houses to a second front door underneath the surface. Most houses and all businesses had a basement level with a second front door that would be used when the snow was piling up to the roofs during the long winters. It was more practical and less dangerous than digging snow tunnels as it used to be done. It would still be 15 months before the first snow and the begin of another seven years of Longnight and the tunnels were deserted and officially closed. Hedda had given me the key code to a basement room meant for storage but empty, where I could keep my things and change unseen and undisturbed. I also could leave her house unseen and emerge at one of the never used emergency exits in the sea wall and walk to the Inn. I usually took a short swim before I went home to get rid of any scents not proper for a Neo Viking Warrior. One afternoon we sat in Hedda's room. Hedda got lots of money for allowance and had a sizable wardrobe. One of the favorite past times was comparing outfits, talking about Virtu Show stars and music. Elnna took her mask and red wig off and somehow I was certain I had seen her before and dismissed the idea since I had no contact to any girls before this happy time. She said to me, "Would you do me a favor?" I shrugged and nodded."Sure if I can." "I love diving and fish hunting but girls are not allowed to do that or own a spear gun. Could you buy one for me at Nils Supplies and show me how it's used? Nils won't think twice if a guy buys one." Hedda said, "I got a flier and we can go to my Uncle’s rock. It has a secluded overhang and since he has not yet the money to build his own burg, it is empty and no one but my family is allowed there. I too would love to learn how to use a harpoon." "Harpoons come in lots of sizes and varieties. Usually quite expensive, but I got a few different models stashed away at Uncle Hogun's Boat shed. No need to buy one from Nils." Elnna said. "Do you have a Capetown 313 or something like that?" "You sure made yourself knowledgeable, Capetowns are not bad, but they are made by an off world company and as good as much stuff from Off world is. When it comes to harpoons and spear guns you want something that works in our cold oceans. The mist and moisture can freeze to ice outside the water and your gun won't release when you're under water. I got a Friesenheim Trishot I gladly give you, made by the Friesenheim clan. They also make the Slayers and you can rely on those." She sighed. "All a girl can do is look up catalogs. Where would we get such experience?" She looked at me out of her blue eyes framed with thick black mascara and long lashes and I could not shake the feeling that I had seen her somewhere before. Perhaps I stared a little too long and she said. "It's the mascara; want to try how it looks on you?" And before I could really say anything she unfolded her make Upper and placed it over my face. Sif got caught in the spirit and placed the red wig on me. "There you go; you look like Elnna's twin sister now!" I found the look as exotic and combined with the black PVC face mask very mysterious. I forgot all about Elnna and that strange feeling of déjà vu when I looked in her eyes. I had brought the girls spear guns and explained them how they work and how one was used and reloaded. I told them the difference between exercise, hunting and explosive tips for Rock Sharks and other larger prey and warned them that these could not be used against Tyranno's or Three-Finners. Not that they would run into any Three-Finners up here, but an occasional Tyranno was quite likely. All four girls were eager to learn and decent swimmers but it appeared to me they spent maybe too much time at the mall as they seemed to still learn to be underwater and really dive and learn how to return in stages from deep dives and not simply swim back up. I had my hands full to keep them below until and explain to them in hand signals that rapid decompression was quite dangerous, even though we did not use our lungs directly. Somehow we never went again and I was too absorbed being Freya to notice it. Time flew and in less than a week there would be summer break again, and in another 15 months Shortsummer would be over and the Planet would prepare for the seven long cold years. How much had happened in just one year? I went to Hasvik, the Grandfather I meet only twice in person dead and burned, his House and name no more. I had discovered so much more about our planet and society and I had killed another human being. My visits to the mall and my female friends became less frequent. Sif would not call as much anymore and explained that the girls wanted to get ahead in life and concentrated on the their grades and the big tests before the school year ended, so it came that we sat there at the mall and our favorite table at the Coffee place. Elnna and Hedda browsed a fashion magazine while Astrid looked over their shoulders to occasionally brush over an image to call up the Holo of a hairdo or a shoe. All the girls liked shoes but Astrid was not exaggerating when she said she was addicted. Sif suddenly snapped her fingers and said. "Elnna do you have that mask of yours with you?" Elnna took it out of her hooded sweater pocket and handed it over with a question mark on her face. Sif said. "Quick Freya put that on!" I was as puzzled as her about that, but did it and just in time as a voluptuous woman, with Harkun behind her rushed by and into the Coffee shop. It was Gretel! Harkun remained outside and tried hard not to look at us, but as Lothar my brother strolled by. He stared at us and I was glad Sif was so quick thinking. Gretel barked from inside the store. "Harkun, don't ogle at that off-world garbage and get your behind in here to pay the bill!" Dutiful he went inside. Lothar, decked out in Olafson red and expensive fur, picked his nose unabashed and kept staring at us. "Off-World Garbage!" Sif said loud enough: "I think I am harassed, let's call Port security!" Gretel came out the store like chased by a hungry Fangsnapper, grabbed Lothar by the hand and said. "No need to bother security. It is a local custom. You Off-Worlders are so easily offended." Then she actually waddled as fast as she could to the mall’s exit. Sif knew of the warrant and Gretel was quite aware of it as well, as it became evident. As Harkun went by, following his mistress with a box of Sweet meats. He grunted."Don't let me catch you girls outside. I would have to teach you a painful lesson." He laughed cold and left. Elnna said silently. "The next time I see Harkun or anyone from that household him I kill!" I was about to ask where she knew Harkun from, when Astrid interrupted me before I could say a word. "I think it is time for you to leave now, Eric!" It was the first time she used my real name when I was with them and it was like an ice cold shower. I felt exposed and betrayed despite the mask. Hedda first gave Elnna a withering look and then said to me, "I am sorry, Eric but Astrid is right, I don't want you to be with us anymore either!" This came so sudden and unexpected, and my outfit suddenly felt heavy and wrong. I got up Elnna turned her head away from me and Sif had tears in her eyes and her chin trembled but said nothing. "I do not know what I did to you, that caused this but if I offended I am sorry. Don't worry I won't stay where I am not wanted." I left. Strangely enough Sif had me meet them here and not at Hedda's house. As if they had planned this. It was a Thursday and the Space Bus would arrive at midnight, still the Lobby was deserted and would not see any passengers until one or two hours before it arrived. I was stunned by the sudden rejection and changed back. What felt like a part of me was suddenly a disguise. Before I felt a little euphoric every time I became Freya, now it was as if I had woken from a surreal dream. I was almost done when Sif appeared and she said, "It is not as you think it is. There are things we did not tell you and I can't tell you. It is better for you if you don't know. We did not want it to end this way, but it had to end. Maybe we will meet in private in the future and I can tell you why we did what we did." I handed her the bag with the dress and the things. "I understand. What I did is wrong and I am somehow sick and I don't belong with you or anyone. You are right; it had to end, I guess. Tell the others thank you for the time we had; I was happy and carefree for the first time in my life and I thank you for keeping my sick and twisted illusion up for so long." She cried and I felt I did something terrible, without really knowing what caused it. "I am so sorry Eric. You will never know how much. And yes I care very much for you and Freya was more real than you want her to be. Please don't hate me. If things were different I would have gladly married you!" "You deserve a real man, not a joke like me. Whatever I did to hurt, forgive me; I did not do it on purpose." With this I left her behind and left. It was a bleak time and I did get a message from Sif on my PDD, but I deleted it. It was unnatural and I was afraid of myself the most. I liked being Freya way too much. This had nothing to do with a ruse or a trick as Thor did, but it provided me with tingling pleasure and that was wrong. I concentrated on my final tests, worked harder at the Inn and focused on my training with Richard. Everything to make me not think about Sif and the last weeks. Everything to forget and push Freya into the back ground and it seemed to work. Category:FInal Edits